one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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