Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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