i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
