too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize