i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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