I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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