the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
