Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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