I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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