Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
