Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
we're so committed to being not committed
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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