our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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