I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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