Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
