1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
