somebody snuck up and got me drunk
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
