3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize