My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
