She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
