I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
