She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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