Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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