White coat. Heels.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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