just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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