i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
