I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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