accomplished twins. life is a go
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
