i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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