The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
