He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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