life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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