Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
