so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
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