so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize