We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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