Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
