i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
