I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
