Who did Billy Mays play for?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I think I just shit out all my problems.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
