he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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