mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
