dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
