Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
