I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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