Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
