At least make sure they are 18
Why
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
