i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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