It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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