This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
