I want to walk on stilts...naked
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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