If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
