I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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