I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
