i don't like sucking hair
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
