I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
