It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
