It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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