so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize