She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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