I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
