words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize