All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
