He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
