I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
